Resurrecting Etiquette

The sincerest condolences should be given to the friends and family of Etiquette. Her regretful passing will touch the hearts of many people. She lived a long and full life before her death at the hands of the villain Modern Society. She shall be terribly missed. This is the story of her death—the significant decline of good manners in our society.

In past years, the use of etiquette has significantly deteriorated. This is evident when comparing manners in our society with those of the 1800s. Florence Howe Halle’s book titled The Correct Thing in Good Society was published in 1888. Halle writes on how an individual ought to behave in various situations. In particular, the section of the book titled “In The Street” shows how much manners have changed in the last hundred years. In the good society of 1888, Howe said it was not correct for anyone to do any of these things on the street: cutting (unless for something really important), nodding in a familiar way (unless the person is a close friend), giving someone a second look after they pass by, dawdling on the sidewalk, not watching where you are going, walking three in a row making it difficult for others to get by, walking with your umbrella or cane touching the person in front of you, calling people you see on the other side of the road, dressing in a gaudy way, laughing or talking very loudly, eating, or wearing a lot of jewelry (169-76). In contrast, a walk down todays streets will reveal people talking loudly on cell phones, cutting ahead, calling out to friends, whistling at passersby, etc. It is evident a lot has changed.

Julie Walters, associate professor of political science at Oakland University, proves in her magazine article “Parlez-vous Civility?” that there has been a recent decay of good manners in the general public. She provides statistical evidence gathered from different polls and surveys, such as the 1996 U.S. News & World Report survey which showed that 80 percent of Americans believe people have become “much less civil” or “somewhat less civil.” She also includes a 2000 survey by Gallup Organization, which showed that 78 percent of Americans reported seeing more “rude, selfish public behavior” in recent times, and a 2005 Associated Press survey, which showed 69 percent of participants thought people “more rude” then “20 or 30 years ago.” Walters contrasts these surveys with the 1986 Roper survey which stated that most strangers were rather polite (64-65). According to these statistics, etiquette has suffered substantially over the last years.

Etiquette is lacking especially on the internet. The non-profit organization Public Agenda organized the study “Aggravating Circumstances: A Status Report on Rudeness in America.” In this study, 39 percent of those with internet access received emails or chat room messages that were inappropriate in a year (par. 10-11) As shown by the study, too many people are experiencing rude behavior online.

In classrooms all over the U.S, students show improper etiquette.  In a study by The National Center for Education Statistics, 30 percent of teachers surveyed in cities said their students were disrespectful to them, 22 percent reported bullying among the classmates, 19 percent stated physical violence occurred, 19 percent said their students abused them verbally, and 9 percent stated their classroom was in widespread disorder.  They stated that these behaviors happened at least once a week (Figure 3.9b). It is evident from these statistics that classroom impropriety is a large problem in our culture.

Etiquette is not only important to the culture but also to the individual. Dr. Pier Massimo Forni, Italian Literature professor at Johns Hopkins University and founder of The Civility Initiative, discusses the effects of rude behavior in his book The Civility Solution: What to Do When People Are Rude. Forni describes the chemical reactions that occur when people are angry and rude to one another.

Cascades of catecholamines, the stress response hormones and neurotransmitters, flood their brains and bloodstreams...Neurochemicals such as epinesphrine, norepinephrine, and cortisol increase blood pressure, sometimes to dangerously high levels. They affect the metabolism of cholesterol and triglycerides, which contribute to atherosclerosis.

He goes on the say that this may hurt the immune system and halt macrophages, which kill tumor cells. While one instance of this will not kill a person, Forni warns that repeated angry exchanges could encourage diseases such as cardiovascular disease. He mentions that rudeness pollutes self-esteem, our relationships with one another, the workplace, and last of all rude behavior can turn into violence (13-16). It seems behaving with good manners can benefit one’s health.

However, some are under the impression that manners are just unnecessary restrictions put in practice by hoity-toity members of the upper-class. While it is true that many members of the upper-class strictly adhere to the rules of etiquette, etiquette is not unnecessary. The belief that it is unnecessary stems from a misunderstanding of etiquette itself. Diana Olson discusses the importance of etiquette in her newspaper article, “Civility by Diana Olson: The Benefits of Etiquette.” Olson, who used to work as an etiquette consultant in Pasadena, California, suggests etiquette can positively impact ones influence, assurance, relationships, and social attraction. Olson defines etiquette as “rules and principles of kindness and consideration.” She argues that etiquette is not something just for the upper class; rather etiquette is a set of rules for everyone (par. 3). Most would agree it is important to treat each other with “kindness and consideration.” Treating each other with good manners is simply a branch of that sentiment.

The problem of declining manners should be solved by resurrecting manners. Manners should be resurrected by learning etiquette, teaching etiquette to the next generation, and practicing etiquette.  There are many facets of etiquette such as internet etiquette and classroom etiquette. While it may not be practical for one to become an expert in every form of etiquette, one should familiarize themselves with the basics of those that are most relevant to their lives. A web-surfer should primarily be familiar with internet etiquette, and a student with classroom etiquette, etc.

In our technologically advanced culture, it is important to know the rules of internet etiquette. University of Southwestern Louisiana Professor of Quantitative Methods, Larry Scheuermann, and Southwest Region Contracts Representative for Airborne Express Corporation, Gary Taylor, write many tips on how to have proper internet manners in their article “Netiquette” from the journal “Internet Research.” The word “Netiquette” is a combination of the words “Network” and “Etiquette.” Essentially, it means good manners when using a computer network. They share many tips on how to behave such as: think before you write, use proper capitalization of letters, and don’t use emoticons (269). Follow these tips to effectively communicate over the internet.

Mary Lynn Colosimo, associate professor of psychology at Trinity Christian College, discusses the many different ways college student can display classroom etiquette in her article, “How Shall We Learn? How Shall We Live?” from the journal Phi Kappa Phi Forum. She begins by mentioning that significance of good manners in her home, and then discusses the importance of etiquette in the classroom. To have proper classroom etiquette, she advises her students to be welcoming, pay attention, listen, speak kindly, and be punctual (32-33). Her advice would greatly improve a student’s college experience.

This knowledge of etiquette should be taught to future generations. The 1967 film, To Sir, With Love, directed by James Clavell, is the story of a teacher who teaches his students to behave properly. In the film, ex-engineer Mark Thackeray is hired to teach a school of rebellious high school students. Thackeray learns that his teaching there will be hindered until he teaches his students to behave with etiquette. By the end of the film, the students have learned the importance of manners and gained respect for their teacher Thackery.

David Knowles writes about a similar though true story in his Aol News article entitled, “Teacher Emphasizes Old-Fashioned Etiquette.” Cord Ivany a Latin teacher, teaches etiquette to his 10^th grade students in Gilbert Classical Academy in Arizona. He urges the young men in his class to treat the young women with respect by standing when a girl leaves the room and pulling out chairs for them. In return, the girls reply with saying thank you. Despite the fact that Ivany’s etiquette lessons are not an official part of the school’s curriculum, more schools should follow his example and at the very least incorporate some etiquette tips in each class.

It is also important that etiquette is practiced as well as learned and taught. Neale Martin, in his book, Habit: The 95% of Behavior Marketers Ignore, references the research of Dr. Ann Graybiel, Professor of Neuroscience, “Graybiel’s research [on rats] uncovered the primacy of habits in controlling behavior...When we repeat a behavior, even one that involves many independent steps, it is etched into the basal ganglia, ready to be activated whenever a cue is encountered.” The more you practice the more natural behaving with etiquette will become. In time, behaving with good manners will feel just as natural as behaving with bad manners did.

In conclusion, the problem of declining manners should be solved by resurrecting manners. Manners should be resurrected by learning etiquette, teaching etiquette to the next generation, and practicing etiquette.  

If Etiquette is not already dead she will be very soon. And when she has completely vanished from our lives, what creature will arise—Ms. Impolite or Mr. Rude perhaps? May it never be! Etiquette must be resurrected before vice becomes rooted in society. To do this, our society must increase our knowledge of etiquette, then instill etiquette in our next generation, and last but not least, practice etiquette.

 Works Cited

Forni, Pier Massimo. "What Does Rudeness Do?" The Civility Solution: What to Do When People Are Rude. New York: St. Martin's, 2008. 13-16. Print.

"Figure 3.9b." National Center for Education Statistics. U.S. Department of Education. Web. 6 Nov. 2011.

Halle, Florence H. The Correct Thing in Good Society. Estes and Lauriat, 1888. 169-76. Print.

Knowles, David. "Teacher Emphasizes Old-Fashioned Etiquette ." Aol News. Ed. Teri D'Angelo. AOL, 21 Feb. 2010. Web. 27 Oct. 2011.

Poitier, Sidney, perf. To Sir, with Love. Dir. James Clavell. 1967. Columbia Pictures. Film.

Olson, Diana. "Civility by Diana Olson:The Benefits of Etiquette." Glendale Newspress. Ed.       

Katie Landan. Los Angeles Times Community News, 18 Aug. 2006. N.p. Web. 9 Oct. 2011.

Scheuermann, Larry, and Taylor, Gary. "Netiquette." Internet Research. 7.4 (1997): 269. ABI/INFORM Global, ProQuest. Web. 11 Oct. 2011.

Farkas, Steve, Jean Johnson, Ann Duffett, and Kathleen Collins. Aggravating Circumstances: A Status Report on Rudeness in America. Rep. Public Agenda, 2002. 23. Print.

Mary Lynn Colosimo. "How Shall We Learn? How Shall We Live?" Phi Kappa Phi Forum 84.4 (2004): 32-33. Research Library, ProQuest. Web. 11 Oct. 2011.

Martin, Neale. Habit: The 95% of Behavior Marketers Ignore. Upper Saddle River, New Jersey: Pearson Education, 2009. N.p. Print.

Walters, Julie. "parlez-vous civility?" Contexts. 1 Jan. 2010: Research Library, ProQuest. 64-65. Web.  9 Oct. 2011.